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Samhain Condoms

  • Posted on October 29, 2011 at 7:59 am


Trusted for Witches and their Wizards (or Warlocks) everywhere. Also for Shamans, Druids, Sorcerers (& Sorceresses), Magicians, and Pagan Samhain Celebrating folk in general.

Lol. Have a great (and procreation safe) Samhain 2011!

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?14234-Samhain-Condoms&goto=newpost

[Group] what should I do with them?

  • Posted on October 8, 2011 at 1:53 pm
I hope this is the right place... actually I find the whole situation very funny.

Recently a bunch of :censor:heads decided in their very small brain to create an occult group based on wrong and superstitious satanism and are very close from being discovered by the world since they seem unable to hide themselves effectively. My fear is that this fact could fuel the fear for occult that seems so

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?14099-what-should-I-do-with-them&goto=newpost

Bad Lip Reading Sound Bites

  • Posted on September 30, 2011 at 8:57 am


Probably NSFW. What are you doing on here at work? XD

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?14046-Bad-Lip-Reading-Sound-Bites&goto=newpost

MidiEvil (playstation 1 game)

  • Posted on September 29, 2011 at 4:37 am
Has anybody ever played this? The game is a trippy little gothic game about a knight named Sir Daniel Fortesque who dies before he ever accomplishes anything. A century later he is revived and goes on a personal quest to slay the sorcerer whose army once killed him with an arrow shot before he ever reached combat.

Heres some game soundtrack :3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpWF1tic5NA

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?14038-MidiEvil-(playstation-1-game)&goto=newpost

Comic relief

  • Posted on September 4, 2011 at 12:28 am
BORKED

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13869-Comic-relief&goto=newpost

Energy Catch

  • Posted on September 3, 2011 at 11:15 pm
This is how the game works.

What I do is someone volunteers to be the catcher. I will try to send energy to them, over the net. Then they will reply if they felt any thing received or not.
Then they toss it back and I will reply if I got it or not.
Other can pair up with others if they want.

Rules of the game:
Positive or neutral energy only. The object of the game is to learn and train up one's energy senses and working capabilities, not jolt the beans out of them.

Each pair must only play "catch" when both are online at the same time. Times must be agreed upon beforehand when each pair will practice with each other.

The pitcher can be some one completely new to magic, but the catcher must have some basic ability to sense and channel energy.

All discussions about this game and results between pairs must be posted here.

Please post whatever you are willing to be a catcher or a pitcher.

Looking forward to playing with you folks.

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13868-Energy-Catch&goto=newpost

Worst museum

  • Posted on August 31, 2011 at 10:04 pm
I laughed 'til I cried. XD

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13853-Worst-museum&goto=newpost

Magical Advice from E-Hal

  • Posted on August 21, 2011 at 8:26 pm

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13785-Magical-Advice-from-E-Hal&goto=newpost

Dog training for dummies

  • Posted on August 13, 2011 at 8:40 am


:D
Now, had to share with ya.

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13744-Dog-training-for-dummies&goto=newpost

Top secret military footage – U.S. Army Psions

  • Posted on August 5, 2011 at 2:30 am

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13691-Top-secret-military-footage-U.S.-Army-Psions&goto=newpost

Top secret military footage – U.S. Army Psions

  • Posted on August 5, 2011 at 2:30 am

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13691-Top-secret-military-footage-U.S.-Army-Psions&goto=newpost

What are they doing to the Elfs?

  • Posted on August 2, 2011 at 7:27 am


Just thought you should know:!!!:

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13672-What-are-they-doing-to-the-Elfs&goto=newpost

Invocation Of Mercury

  • Posted on July 23, 2011 at 11:56 pm
I just got done reading Lon Milo DuQuette's "Low Magick"
and read the chapter about him invoking Mercury by saying nothing but outrageous lies for a whole night straight.

I think it would be fun to do this here on these forums and see what tall tales people will make up in the name of this game.

I will go first:

Few many not know this about me, but I am currently the President of the United States. My vice President is a Leprechaun.

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13612-Invocation-Of-Mercury&goto=newpost

What language does this woman speak?

  • Posted on June 24, 2011 at 6:40 am
I was watching this video and I don't know what she may be saying:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/0...n_210256.html?

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13445-What-language-does-this-woman-speak&goto=newpost

Go the fuck to sleep!

  • Posted on June 16, 2011 at 8:27 pm
as read by Samuel L Jackson

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13404-Go-the-fuck-to-sleep!&goto=newpost

Go the fuck to sleep!

  • Posted on June 16, 2011 at 8:27 pm
as read by Samuel L Jackson

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13404-Go-the-fuck-to-sleep!&goto=newpost

Go the f**k to sleep!

  • Posted on June 16, 2011 at 8:27 pm
as read by Samuel L Jackson

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13404-Go-the-f**k-to-sleep!&goto=newpost

What do i want to tell the US Department of Interior? i have 4 FREE lines.

  • Posted on May 28, 2011 at 1:10 pm
DEAR RESIDENT:

Your household has been selected to participate in this important research study about plans to restore the klamath river basin in oregon and california. THis study is funded by the US Department of Interior and is being conducted by RTI International, an independent, not-for-profit research institute.......................

....(blah blah blah blah).......

...................Taking part in this survey is voluntary. If you agree to participate, we ask you to answer all of the questions as honestly as you can, but if you do not want to answer a specific question, please skip it and go on to the next question. This survey has been sent to only 1,200 randomly selected households in the entire country, so every response is important.......

....blah blah blah......

....Sincerely,
Benjamin Simon,
Project Director, Department of the Interior.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------


So i put, "No opinion" on all the questions. haha. BUT theres a comment section at the very end!!! So we can put ANYTHING there!!!! a sigil, drawing, some weird comment!?!! ANYTHING!! Four FREE lines to express anything in the whole world!!

Any ideas?

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13309-What-do-i-want-to-tell-the-US-Department-of-Interior-i-have-4-FREE-lines.&goto=newpost

Because physics is fun! ….?

  • Posted on April 7, 2011 at 8:22 pm
http://www.scienceagogo.com/news/201...runc_sys.shtml


Possible discovery of a new, unknown particle that... shouldn't exist according to our current understanding of physics. :)

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13055-Because-physics-is-fun!-....&goto=newpost

Sad Stories of Super Heroes

  • Posted on April 7, 2011 at 5:30 pm

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13054-Sad-Stories-of-Super-Heroes&goto=newpost

Visual Pranks

  • Posted on April 7, 2011 at 4:15 pm
Stare at the following image for 10 minutes and see what happens.



Then show your friends.

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13052-Visual-Pranks&goto=newpost

I am a Were Wolf ( With Irrefutable proof, etc.)

  • Posted on April 2, 2011 at 6:56 pm
I am a Were Wolf. At this Time, I believe I have either Eaten, Shredded, Killed, Buried, Broken, Burned, or Blown Up any Proof of my existence. Why, you ask? To avoid being dissected in a Government Laboratory, of Course! If you believe you have Evidence of my State other than this disclosure, feel free to email me your contact info, along with a short description of the evidence :)

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?13007-I-am-a-Were-Wolf-(-With-Irrefutable-proof-etc.)&goto=newpost

Why am I A Rasta Man?

  • Posted on March 31, 2011 at 9:24 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoPcz...eature=related .

Why am I a Rasta Man? This is Why. ;)

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?12987-Why-am-I-A-Rasta-Man&goto=newpost

Thought I share, This comic made my day!

  • Posted on March 30, 2011 at 10:25 pm


any of you ever have this problem?

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?12980-Thought-I-share-This-comic-made-my-day!&goto=newpost

How to be a Dungeon Keeper

  • Posted on March 27, 2011 at 7:40 pm


So you want to be a Lord of the Underworld do you? Here's some things to get you started after playing all these games to train your Nastiness....

1. Get a suit of armor. Breastplate, helmet, leggings, armlets, gauntlets, steel boots, a red and black cape. But underneath it and before you start you'll need a black wizards robe, as you're a spellcaster before a black knight;

Purchace a Black Wizard's robe

Purchace a Medieval helmet

Purchace a suit of Medieval armor

2. Build your Dungeon Heart. Your Dungeon Heart is the source of your sorcerous power, and the container of your soul, as any experienced black mage knows to not bind your soul to some object is to pursue a mortal end. By having your soul bound to a Dungeon Heart, your body may perish, but only to be reincarnated instantly full body, near your Dungeon Heart should you fall to enemies or some accident befall you. Your Dungeon Heart should be made of blood red quartz, as the infernal energies of Hell are this color and Fire element is the realm of the soul. At first your Dungeon Heart can be small, but over time you'll want to add to it more red quartz, till it's the size of something only a decent sized infernal temple could hold. You'll need black steel to hold your Heartstone in to make a decent Dungeon Heart;

Buy your Red Quartz

An example of purchasible Black Steel

3. You'll need to collect a library of black magic, to power your underworld domain and understand the ways of the Void, Hell, the Abyss, the Chaotic planes, and your home which is partly physical (under the earth) and partly metaphysical (a place of Hell, the Abyss and the Void) The Underworld;

List of Books on Black Magic

4. Your own Underworld Grimoire. You'll be modeling your home to be like the Greek Hades, and other mythological underworlds, and so you must understand the potential landscapes past the base tunnels and dungeon rooms. Also you'll need servants and monsters to serve and guard your dungeon and protect your Dungeon Heart;

A description of the classical Underworlds

Goblins, your main servants

Imps, your secondary servants and minor monster

A collection of Monsters to summon and serve you

5. To be a minor or major Dungeon Keeper. If you are destined to be a major keeper, you'll want to purchase an old dungeon complex or a depleted mine. This will be your home, where you will live and rarely leave, only when to buy supplies from the surface world that you can't gain under the earth or via your underworld magics. Don't forget to pay your taxes for your land to the goodie goodie overworld governments, or you may have to face off against the military who are the modern equivalent of the King's Knights, powerful heroes. If you wish to be a minor keeper, than any old house or appartment will do as your mundane residence, as you'll be busy building your dungeon in the less material planes, in another dimension than the earth realm, in the voidian underworld, where the great outer gods and demon lords, and other entropic, chaotic, or spacial lords exist. You will greatly amuse them either way you keep, minor or major and be sure to build shines in your material or "astral," dungeon, to gain many boons.
Whether major or minor, you'll need to learn how to astral project, that is project your consciousness to other planes/dimensions, to weave the fabrics back and forth from your astral and physical dungeons (or purely "lower" astral dungeon, in case of minor keeper), and to your Dungeon Heart.

Astral Projection through Lucid Dreaming (powerful)

Astral Projection through Meditation

6. Additional tips and hints. Goblins are Earth Elementals also known as Gnomes, who have gone astray out of the negative attributes each element has. They work for dark sorcerers, like gnomes do for light and grey magicians, freely or for a price. They like dense energies when being feed, so be sure to study how to channel the root energies of the chakras and universe, which colors are usually reds and blacks. They also like gems and gold, silver, and copper coins as presents you can place on your altar or bury around your home or in your physical dungeon if you have one. Play all the listed games, to get ideas for monsters and rooms for your dungeon, and how an evil dungeon keeper should be. Finally make friends with other keepers, both human and unhuman and link your dungeons together by magic portals. Most of all have fun, because it's good to be evil, a paradox worth experiencing.

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?12959-How-to-be-a-Dungeon-Keeper&goto=newpost

Add to the story game

  • Posted on March 27, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Hey everybody here's your chance to contribute to an Occult Corpus fictional story. Please leave atleast a paragraph, ok here goes;

There once was a white knight named Hellios. He traveled the country far and wide and became famious as a monster slayer. One day while visiting the kingdom of Asto, he heard of a giant two headed dragon which supposedly caused the land an apocoliptic ruining in the ancient past. On this very day it was told that the dragon would revisit the land and cause the land to burn to ash like in olden times. The knight considered the people lucky he had arrived, and asked directions for where the dragon would first emerge. He got directions to a large cave which was close by and.........

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?12955-Add-to-the-story-game&goto=newpost

I am a mermaid (w. irrefutable proof+disclosure what a real mermaid is etc.)

  • Posted on March 25, 2011 at 2:42 pm


I am a mermaid and under the sea we all sing to this little tune. Yes in human form I am a man, my gender changes, and I find I have fishy female genitilia (which strangely isn't that different from fishy male genitilia :o ), and large human female breasts, which I adore with all my other mermaid girlfriends (were all lesbians, no Posidon, or mermen around).

I used this spell to become a mermaid, it really works;


I heard Kuroyagi used this spell to become a vampire!!!

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?12938-I-am-a-mermaid-(w.-irrefutable-proof-disclosure-what-a-real-mermaid-is-etc.)&goto=newpost

I am a vampire (w. irrefutable proof+disclosure what a real vamp is etc.)

  • Posted on March 24, 2011 at 7:51 am
Somehow I feel even more than usual to write some BS on the net today. But before I'll do that, I'll deal with this question of being a vampire.

Proof #1 (after which no further would be needed)

I like this video:

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?12931-I-am-a-vampire-(w.-irrefutable-proof-disclosure-what-a-real-vamp-is-etc.)&goto=newpost

Ladys, "Have a Happy Period".

  • Posted on March 10, 2011 at 4:22 am
I found this online and thought that it was endlessly funny.

Quote:

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic.
Read the rest here.

I remember once seeing those words on a pad and thinking to myself, "Well, someones going to get hate mail."

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?12821-Ladys-quot-Have-a-Happy-Period-quot-.&goto=newpost

I feel enlightened

  • Posted on March 8, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Thank you, Occult Corpus, for showing me it.

I feel so much enlightened. I can feel that I've evolved.



Or maybe I should just kill myself. Hmmm the options.
They're delicious.

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?12810-I-feel-enlightened&goto=newpost

[Video] Touchdown!!

  • Posted on February 10, 2011 at 1:07 pm
I can't stop watching this. I... I think I'm in love. :D

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?12651-Touchdown!!&goto=newpost

Thats funny

  • Posted on January 25, 2011 at 12:33 pm




.........


"Hello, welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.


If you are:

Obsessive-Compulsive, press 1, repeatedly.

Co-Dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

Delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.

Schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

Manic-Depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

Dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have:

Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the Pound Button until a representative comes on the line.

Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmothers' maiden names.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

Bi-Polar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

Short-Term Memory Loss, please try your call again later.

Low Self Esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.



........




.....




......




....

From http://www.occultcorpus.com/forum/showthread.php?12574-Thats-funny&goto=newpost